The halls of power were ablaze with rage and indignation yesterday when it was discovered that a politician had accurately and honestly completed their travel expense claim and only claimed for legitimate work-related costs. “Whoever that idiot is, their political career is over”, said an unnamed senator by telephone during a break from a taxpayer-funded research trip to the Bahamas.
The politician who honestly completed their claim and who cannot be named for reasons of personal safety, was found to have only claimed for travel that was legitimately related to their work. Further, the politician had actually paid their own costs when on private business, without seeking any part repayment.
This action cannot be tolerated. It has the potential to undermine our political system and allow the Fijians to takeover the world.
The right of politicians to waste taxpayer money is the bedrock of modern democracy. It has long been established that politicians have the right to enrich (some say engorge) themselves on the public purse because of all the hard work they do in developing policies that make a meaningful difference to the taxpayer. And the more they enrich and engorge themselves, the harder they must be working, right? Because they are all honest to begin with, they wouldn’t take it if they didn’t deserve it. Would they?
Look at how the average life of the taxpayer has benefited from these policies.
There is the policy on….um….getting your dog tagged, that is a good one. You don’t want to lose your dog.
And loading up the next generation with credit cards, student loans, house repayments on negative equity and car repayments, how good is that one !
Then there is the one where you make retirement savings but the Government uses the money for something else other than your retirement. Brilliant!
Think life is pretty good? Well thank your Government for that. And we, the taxpayer, should be grateful.
If left to continue, it sets democracy on a dangerous path. Without such inalienable rights, we may find there is no incentive for those craving money and power to seek election in the first place. Without these sorts of people seeking election, there would be no election to rig. Without an election to rig, we could have no politicians at all. Without politicians, we would have no Government. Without Government, who would make the stupid decisions that waste further taxpayer monies? A dangerous, dangerous situation and one the Fijians would surely exploit.
Dear readers, we cannot let this dangerous precedent spread. Contact your government representative and encourage them to continue to spend public funds responsibly. Better still, get elected and give them a helping hand by claiming a research trip to the ski chalets in Switzerland to review the impact of climate change on demand for ski equipment rental.
Citizens, we must act. Our democracy depends on it.
Editor’s Note: The above article represents that the The Times of Llama actually pays tax. Whilst technically correct, the amount of tax we pay is determined after routing our taxable income through a chicken coop in the Pacific, a bank in the Caymans, a brothel in Lichenstain (no ‘sic’ here) before resting gently in a bar in Dublin. We know this is the same as what our readers do to void their taxes, after all, who is silly enough to pay their full taxes right?? So when we claim we are a ‘taxpayer’, we use the term loosely. Very loosely.