Llaman Government Threatens Border Tax to Pay for American Wall

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Llaman Border Control patrol the Wall to keep American refugees at bay.

With the US Government continuing its refusal to pay for the construction of a wall along the American/Llaman border, the Government confirmed today that it was considering other methods to force the Americans to pay, including a Border Tax.

Illegal immigrants from America began swarming across the border around the time of the Republican and Democrat conventions. Their numbers increased during the presidential election and exploded after the election. The Government had to call in the Army to assist the Llaman Border Control force to manage the situation. “As a compassionate nation, the Llaman Government recognizes the plight of these poor people and is willing to do all it can. But we need to be able to manage the situation and, at the moment, the wave of American refugees is beyond our capacity to manage it. A wall is the only answer” said the Llaman Immigration Minister.

When questioned on how it would be funded, the Finance Minister confirmed the Government was considering a Border Tax. “It may be our only option, he said, “we currently tax them 90% of their US-sourced income but they still keep coming regardless. We have banned them from our beaches, forbidden restaurants from taking bookings from them and imposed a curfew of 10.00pm to get them out of our nightclubs but they keep coming”.

Locals at Redondo beach enjoying the "American free' beach.
Locals at Redondo Beach enjoying the “American free’ moment.

The Finance Minister was questioned on whether a Border Tax simply makes American-imported goods more expensive for Llaman consumers. “We have a hard enough time getting them to pay tax on their income earned here, which is a cost to Llaman citizens not just consumers. A border tax is more efficient and unavoidable”.

The Times reporter learnt after the press conference that international consulting firm, Voodoo Economics, has been engaged to advise the Government on financing options. Voodoo Economics, who have previously been associated with the Illamanati, were the key adviser to the European Troika on debt restructurings for Greece, Portugal and Spain. They refused to assist Ireland due to the nature of their beach resorts, despite being offered a limitless supply of Guinness.

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